Well, now that I'm on a better medium than Facebook, I can add pictures to my comic! And the next load of comics starts with this image that really got my hopes up:
I like where this is going.
Sadly, this is just a flashback to the time when Jason first met the All-Caste and their leader Yod...er...Ducra. She's an ancient Himalayan woman with a tendency to use Yiddish slang in a way that is not offensive at all. We also find out how he came back to the dead after Joker beat him to death with a crowbar: As a zombie, that Talia dunked in a Lazarus Pit and then brought him to the All-Caste for training to tame his RAAAAGE. Seriously, Ducra thinks he has so much rage that he is a danger to the entire world if left unchecked. It seems more like he's a danger to himself and the reader's sanity, as he decides the best thing to do when meeting an ancient master is to patronizingly pat her on the head. What occurs is unfortunately offscreen, but the sound effects are satisfying.
So wait, why did he have to come back as a zombie first? These events were entirely off panel. Why couldn't Talia just raise him from the dead? Hey, comic, you said "TO BE EXPLAINED." So get on it.
Instead, we're treated to the Jason and Roy show as they banter in the language of dudebro while flying to Hong Kong. Jason's suave good looks get him a flight attendant's phone number. This was important to the story. Moving on.
They arrive in Hong Kong and Starfire is already there with a limo. Jason's helpful narration reminds us she is trying to keep a low profile, which she is accomplishing by renting a limo and apparently getting designer clothes which a half-page glamour pose is sure to highlight for us. In the limo more witless banter as Roy tries to get in Starfire's pants again and wonders why the Justice League isn't returning his calls. Seriously, both happen in this conversation. He is immune to irony.
At his penthouse in Hong Kong, Jason is ambushed by...oh what the christ is this:
I'm pretty sure I should be offended.
Is that a guy in drag? A horribly misshapen fat woman? I'm honestly not sure, and not sure which is more offensive. Also, that was not funny, Jason. That was just revolting. He dispatches Suzie and her goons rather easily and gets the stuff he needed. Again, this was really important to the story. No, wait, not at all.
Next scene they're flying over the Himalayas, because clearly Hong Kong is the closest international airport to Tibet. This isn't the 30s you know, Mt. Everest is like Rich Idiot Disneyland. Tibet has an international airport. They leap out of the helicopter (except Starfire, who was already flying behind them) and go into the illusion that hides the temple of the All-Caste. Jason takes a moment to muse about when he was beaten to death by the Joker. This is the second time he has mentioned that the Joker beat him to death with a crowbar in the same comic. In almost the exact same way. It's like he's fueling my fantasies at the moment.
Yoda's ghost tells Jason not to be full of vengeance just before all the corpses attack them. Jason demands respect for the bodies of the zombies they're butchering in what is a truly horrible, jumbled mess of a fight scene. Then he sits down to meditate and...no. Jason, you do not get to be the spiritual and enlightened one. You would not know enlightenment if a helium balloon carrying a neon sign knocked you into a vat of bleach. They meet up with this weird ten year old who is actually supposed to be 4000 years old, yet talks like a dudebro. Dear lord, I just realized what's wrong with the dialogue. Almost everyone speaks fluent dudebro. There is no individual voice. Did the Party Rock Virus infect everyone?
Since the Untitled went ahead of them and already left, they head into a nexus that looks like Escher drawing an album cover, but have to leave behind their most cherished memories. They can get them when they return, in the meantime the kid takes a peek. I'll just do a brief rundown:
Kori: The kid comments that her memories are strange, but this isn't followed up on. The time when she was a slave and one of the people who enslaved her had a moment of compassion. He gave her food and said he wished he could set her free, and apologized on behalf of his people. She killed him for condescending to her. Well then.
Roy: At rock bottom, disowned by the Justice League and his former partner, riding the china cat, he gets in a fight with Killer Croc. Killer Croc, instead of eating him, realizes how screwed up he is and has a genuine heart to heart, saying he's not going to be part of this and to get help. Killer "I live in sewers" Croc. Well then.
Jason: A time he was sick with a cold and Bruce took care of him. This would be a genuinely touching moment if they weren't lounging around in Wayne Manor wearing their costumes with the masks off.
While in the nexus looking for clues to the Untitled's plans and current location, they fight a giant monster. You think that would deserve more mention, but it really doesn't. I have no idea why it was there. A guardian? Something left by the Untitled? It's never explained. You said things to be explained, comic. Explain!
And the clue they were looking for? A snow globe of Colorado. The Untitled left them a snow globe. I..I don't even know where to begin with what is wrong with this. It could be a trap. It could be a red herring. It had to be deliberate because there's no way it would leave this behind on accident. It was on a pedestal like an idol from Indiana Jones for crap's sake. So now they're off to Colorado without investigating this any further. Jason Todd, master detective, trained by the best.
The story ends with them retrieving their memories, except Jason. Who apparently thinks deciding to leave behind his most precious memory is badass, instead of petulant.
Do I even need to tell you how much this comic sucks? The characterization is all over the place, in every shade of "unlikable" you can imagine. I have literally no one to root for here. The giant monster attack in the middle of issue 3 is like a giant space flea from nowhere. Issue 2 is just offensive in every way. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be offended BY with Suzie Su, but I'm pretty sure I should be.
The story isn't even interesting. It's a pure random events story. It's like it's being written stream of consciousness by a hormonal 13 year old. "And then this happens...and then this...and she's got blood on her boobs!" I hate this so much. Reading this story is torture. Even the art is horrible. Just look at the samples I gave. Everything is ugly. Everything about this comic is ugly. There is nothing redeemable or likable or even interesting within its covers. For the first time I award a comic no points, and may God have mercy on its soul.
0/5 stars.
Kori: The kid comments that her memories are strange, but this isn't followed up on. The time when she was a slave and one of the people who enslaved her had a moment of compassion. He gave her food and said he wished he could set her free, and apologized on behalf of his people. She killed him for condescending to her. Well then.
Roy: At rock bottom, disowned by the Justice League and his former partner, riding the china cat, he gets in a fight with Killer Croc. Killer Croc, instead of eating him, realizes how screwed up he is and has a genuine heart to heart, saying he's not going to be part of this and to get help. Killer "I live in sewers" Croc. Well then.
Jason: A time he was sick with a cold and Bruce took care of him. This would be a genuinely touching moment if they weren't lounging around in Wayne Manor wearing their costumes with the masks off.
Paparazzi? Is that a kind of pasta?
While in the nexus looking for clues to the Untitled's plans and current location, they fight a giant monster. You think that would deserve more mention, but it really doesn't. I have no idea why it was there. A guardian? Something left by the Untitled? It's never explained. You said things to be explained, comic. Explain!
And the clue they were looking for? A snow globe of Colorado. The Untitled left them a snow globe. I..I don't even know where to begin with what is wrong with this. It could be a trap. It could be a red herring. It had to be deliberate because there's no way it would leave this behind on accident. It was on a pedestal like an idol from Indiana Jones for crap's sake. So now they're off to Colorado without investigating this any further. Jason Todd, master detective, trained by the best.
The story ends with them retrieving their memories, except Jason. Who apparently thinks deciding to leave behind his most precious memory is badass, instead of petulant.
Do I even need to tell you how much this comic sucks? The characterization is all over the place, in every shade of "unlikable" you can imagine. I have literally no one to root for here. The giant monster attack in the middle of issue 3 is like a giant space flea from nowhere. Issue 2 is just offensive in every way. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be offended BY with Suzie Su, but I'm pretty sure I should be.
The story isn't even interesting. It's a pure random events story. It's like it's being written stream of consciousness by a hormonal 13 year old. "And then this happens...and then this...and she's got blood on her boobs!" I hate this so much. Reading this story is torture. Even the art is horrible. Just look at the samples I gave. Everything is ugly. Everything about this comic is ugly. There is nothing redeemable or likable or even interesting within its covers. For the first time I award a comic no points, and may God have mercy on its soul.
0/5 stars.
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