Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

I realize I've been avoiding bad comics. I've been mostly going for the comics I expect to be good, instead of the ones that I know will be awful. I'm gonna have to fix that by tackling a comic that I find deplorable. Here goes.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

Jason Todd sucks. The only character ever voted to death, DC has tried to revive him in recent years. He's gone through a bunch of different costumes and names, before finally settling on Red Hood, which was the Joker's old alias (maybe). Considering the Joker killed him, that says almost as much about him as the Fifth Doctor regenerating into a guy who tried to kill him in a previous episode. DC keeps pushing him, but Jason continues to destroy everything he touches. There is nothing likable or fun about the character. Stop it, DC. Just stop.

Ahem. I may be a little biased against this comic.

Anyway, to the comic itself. Right off the bat we are treated to Roy Harper being escorted by two paramilitary thugs and...I just gotta say, I only rarely comment on art. Most comic art is just passable and looks about the same. Even Liefeld these days looks like everyone else, just in a funhouse mirror. This artwork is just revolting. It's ugly, and aggressively so. It's quite detailed, but it's like Rocafort chose to emphasize everything wrong and slather everything with brown. It's like Liefeld meets Call of Duty. Also, I don't normally comment on titles, but the title here is "I fought the law and kicked its butt!" Wow, we are certainly going for maturity here.

Ugh. Okay. I'm going to be objective. Harper is in jail because he helped a revolution in DC's go-to middle eastern hellhole Qurac. Now they're in their Robespierre stage, and he's on the chopping block. An obese preacher is there to give him his last confession and register a complaint with some international organization. They let him talk to Roy, and he opens the Bible to show Roy's folded-up bow. The heck? That must be the enormous-print Bible for the legally blind. The preacher splits open to reveal it was a disguise for Jason Todd aka Red Hood, and the extra space in the costume was filled up with weapons, including Harper's quiver. He should have repeated "Two Weeks" a bit first.

Despite being entirely surrounded by men with guns already trained on them, Red Hood and Arsenal start shooting their way out with ease. Wow, so they've ripped off Robin Hood, Total Recall, and now Darkman. In Darkman that opening scene worked because it was deliberately over the top and ridiculous. Three guys with guns surrounded by about thirty winning? That's silly, but it worked since we were not supposed to be rooting for either side. It established Durant and his men as formidable, setting a bar for the hero to overcome. But since these are the main characters, setting the bar this high means that almost no future challenge can be taken seriously.

Harper shouts "Tanks!" and Todd replies "Don't mention it!" *rimshot* I will admit that was a little funny. They're bailed out by Starfire, who blasts the tanks and then casually talks about going back to have sex with Jason Todd. Who acts totally full of himself about it. God I hate this guy.

Cut to St. Martinique later where Starfire is stepping out of the water in a bikini. We're actually treated to her internal thoughts (for what it's worth). She talks about how most aliens aren't welcome on Earth, which is why she hangs out with those two. She also apparently has trouble telling them apart. THAT'S RACIST! Also, there's a kid taking pictures of her and uploading her to the internet. That was necessary.

So Jason and Roy discuss Tamaranian psychology in the most douchebro way possible. Tamaranians are very uninhibited, have trouble telling people apart, and barely care about humans beyond the immediate. She propositions Roy as soon as Jason is out of sight, and brushes off questions about whether she's "Jason's girl" by saying she is free to do whatever she wants and personal ownership is absurd and that love has nothing to do with pleasure. While I can commend this as a way of making alien psychology truly alien, but the result is to make her into a living sex doll. Furthermore...doesn't their culture have slavery? How can that make sense in a culture with no concept of personal ownership?

While this is going on Jason talks to a girl called Essence about organ thief murders. Since the organs are stolen from the past, Jason realizes the Untitled is involved. He asks why the All Caste haven't stopped them, but Essence shows they are all dead. Jason is shocked, and since Essence swore never to return, it's up to Jason to avenge the All Caste and stop the Untitled and WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

Oh, apparently the kid was necessary as someone on the internet finds her pictures, realizes she's a Tamaranian, and wants to track her down. Way to keep a low profile, guys.

Cut to twelve hours later, at the Well of the All Caste. Jason Todd is apologizing to someone named Ducra. Then he's attacked by a bunch of guys and he says "Finally, something to shoot!" and the comic ends saying "TO BE EXPLAINED"

Well. I sincerely hope so. Because I have NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON!

Comics, PARTICULARLY #1 comics, should be accessible to a new reader. Who is Essence? How does Jason know her? Who or what is the Untitled? How does Jason know them? Who were the All Caste? And they're dead now, so why was this important? And how do you steal organs from years before they drop dead from lack of organs? Most importantly, give me one good reason to care about any of this. I know who only one person in this entire conversation is, and I actively dislike him. Why should I give a flying crap about any of this? 

Hell, I only know Jason Todd and Roy Harper because I'm a huge nerd. The closest to anyone familiar to the average non comics reader is Starfire, and her totally different personality here is likely to turn off anyone familiar with the Teen Titans TV series.

The banter is mostly witless. The art is, as I said, appalling. It is actively unpleasant to the eyes. Everyone has this weird little dot on their nose like they weren't paying attention while drinking a latte. The plot is nonexistent, going from escape to beach party to Red Hood doing something out of context. Also, why bother with a reboot when you're going to bog down even a completely unnecessary title like this with continuity? You guys had a clean slate! YOU WASTED IT.

The eight deadly words of writing are "I don't care what happens to these people." Readers may love your characters, hate your characters, hate to love or love to hate, but the worst thing they can feel is...nothing. After this issue, I can say without a doubt, I don't care what happens to these people.

1/5, only because I don't give 0. Maybe I should consider it. If the rest of this manages to somehow be worse, I will consider it.

At least I don't have too much of this to read because I'm sure this drek will get cancelled after...IT'S STILL ONGOING?! When better comics have been cancelled? Ugggghhhhh...why did I decide to do this?