The Man of Steel

Before I get into the nitty gritty of this review, I just want to make clear: Go see this film. This is absolutely a film that needs to be seen by as many people as possible. I want to clarify this point because I'm going to have more than a few negative things to say about it, but I still think it is an excellent film that you should absolutely go see if only for the spectacle. Beyond that, I think it is perhaps the best Superman movie ever, though Christopher Reeve is still the best Superman ever. Odd to put a summary up front, but I want to make sure if you read nothing else, you know this movie has my full recommendation. Got that? Okay, moving on.

The Man of Steel is something of a misnamed movie. Taking a cue from The Dark Knight, it is named after one of Superman's heroic epithets, yet this oddly misses the mark. A better title would be The Last Son of Krypton, but I assume that was focus grouped out. This movie is almost entirely about what it means for Superman to be the last survivor of another planet with godlike powers, living as a human being on Earth. 

The opening act takes place on a Krypton in the middle of a civil war shortly before its destruction. General Zod (Michael Shannon) and his cronies attempt a coup while Jor-El (Russel Crowe) attempts to send his infant son to another world. Much is made of the fact that he is the first natural birth on Krypton in centuries, thus the first person without a preprogrammed destiny. However, this does not really amount to much. Again, much like Nolan's other movies, many interesting issues are raised, you're clearly supposed to be thinking about the ideas present, but what exactly the movie is trying to say about all of it is as convoluted and unclear as Batman and Bane arguing about Hawkman continuity.

Like Nolan's other superhero franchise, this one draws from several Superman storylines, most notably Superman: Earth 2 storyline. This movie portrays a very different version at the beginning than people have come to expect. Rather than being a heroic, stalwart figure from near birth, this version of Clark Kent (Henry Cavill) is directionless. He starts the movie as a drifter working a series of blue collar, paid in cash jobs so that he can remain anonymous. Yet the core of goodness is still there, as often he is forced to leave a job after performing an act as major as rescuing people from a burning oil rig, or as simple as driving off some jerks from a diner. This portrayal is quite different and requires a very open mind to accept. It’s not quite Nolan’s Batman franchise in terms of gritty reboot, but it’s a unique and sometimes uncomfortable take on the character.

Other changes to the familiar origin story are likely to annoy purists, and much has been made about Pa Kent's (Kevin Costner) insistence that Clark remain hidden, and not use his powers to help people like he feels he should. However, Pa Kent provides a far better example through actions than words. In a truly touching scene later on, he simultaneously proves how much he cares about his son and that you cannot always protect people from themselves, something that Superman has often struggled with. I won’t spoil what happens, but it’s a pretty moving scene. This starts Clark’s wandering years, which changes when he discovers the Fortress of Solitude (though it’s never called that).

After activating the Fortress of Solitude (here a derelict Kryptonian colony ship), he accidentally sends out a distress beacon that draw the attention of Zod and his surviving prisoners. He saves Lois Lane (Amy Adams) for the first time, and embarks on his career as Superman in response to the threat Zod poses to the world. Zod himself is one of the best things about the movie. I will tell you right now though, he does not say his famous phrase. After all, it'd speak of creative bankruptcy to revisit an iconic scene for no other reason than it is expected *coughintodarknesscough*. Instead, there is a truly unforgettable scene where Michael Shannon gets to show off his acting chops. You can see Zod's sanity crack, spiderweb into larger fractures, and then shatter into jagged shards of rage. It’s just a shame that the actor plays it with a weird accent or speech impediment that reminds me of Sylvester the cat.

The fight scenes in this movie are by far the best part. It is worth watching for that alone. Never before, not even in the Avengers, has conflict between superhumans seemed so epic and yet so visceral. I would not be surprised if the animators took lessons from Dragon Ball Z and other fighting anime for how to make it look like invulnerable people are actually hurting each other. The end of the big fight with Zod will be a sticking point for some, but it is really an improvement over the same in the comics.

Lois's character is something that I have seen little commentary on, but deserves a lot more scrutiny. Her portrayal here as a brilliant and courageous investigative journalist (with more self-preservation than a lemming) finally strips the character of the last remaining Silver Age misogyny and makes her a truly strong character. In fact, as Clark is pulled between John Kent's insistence he try to live as a normal person, and Jor-El's grandiose proclamations of Kal-El's godlike superiority and noblesse oblige, it is Lois Lane's simple heroism and ethics that provide a better example. She not only figures out he is Clark Kent long before he even comes to Metropolis, but when he does he starts working at the Daily Planet because of her. His search for human identity concluded, he decided that the best example of humanity he could find was Lois Lane. That is something truly unique that I hope bleeds over into other potrayals of the character in the future. It’s just a shame she shares almost zero chemistry with Henry Cavill.

Overall, it is a very good film. Close to perfect. But there are too many little nagging details. The lack of chemistry with the leads, the over-explanation of plot devices, a charismatic villain undermined by a speech impediment, Henry Cavill’s attempt at an American accent forcing him to act wooden…this movie has issues. Nonetheless, it’s probably the most exciting thing you will see this year, at least until Pacific Rim.

4/5 stars.

Superboy #1

Since I can’t continue reviewing Red Hood right now without trying to shove chopsticks up my nose and swirl them around until I can pull the brain out, I decided to look elsewhere. I’m a little put off from Bat-Books, so I decided to turn to the second comic line to have a major crossover event: Teen Titans. First up: Superboy! With a new origin divorced from the whole Death of Superman thing, which may or may not have still happened, I’m not sure.  So, let’s see here. Who is on this book? Hmm…Scott Lobdell. Why does that name sound famil-

Oh sweet Jesus no

I can’t escape from him, can I? I choose a book almost entirely at random, and Lobdell follows me. Well, I’m not going to be defeated, and I’m not going to let the name on the cover prejudice me against it. Let’s look at Superboy #1.

The story opens with a panel of Superboy floating in a green liquid as he narrates he has no idea why he is named that. We pull back on a lab where people are doing science on him.  Apparently he has a distributed consciousness and knows a lot of things he shouldn’t. Since this doesn’t register as brain activity, the scientists decide to dump the experiment.

I gotta say this is a lot of information to take in really fast. A distributed consciousness? Does Superman have that? Or is Superboy just special because he’s part human? Who knows. The original Superboy had powers that differed in strange ways, so let’s see how this turns out.

Anyway, a scientist who is called only “Red” because of her hair (that’s a little sexist, also what’s up with comics and redheads) is against killing him, and Superboy notices her compassion. When they try to kill the clone by introducing cyanide, things go awry and he reacts instinctually, killing most of the people in the lab except Red.

They came from Castle Splat?

We get a brief hint of Red’s identity (Dr. Cait-) and then Superboy is out of his bottle. He thinks like a cartoon Indian speaks for a little bit, then gets exhausted and Red holds him. Cut to one month later, and he’s in school with a very strange looking teacher giving him a ridiculous problem that he answers with ease. He then walks home with a a strange white-haired girl named Rose Wilson, who shares her unique philosophy on life:

Craaawling iiiin my skiiiin

So he walks with Deathstroke’s daughter and he gives his cover story as to why he has no memory but knows such crazy facts. She turns the conversation to morality, wondering if his amnesia might affect his moral reasoning. He says it doesn’t, as they walk by a burning building with a woman screaming inside. At this point, my mind broke. No one with Super in front of their name would walk by that! What in the HFIL is going on here?

We then cut to the farm with his adoptive parents, the Helpworths. They’re…the Kents. A modern, younger version of the Kents, but this is now cleaving ridiculously close to Superman’s origin story. It’s getting a little silly. He complains of boredom, and I just realized no one has said his name in this small town yet. Weird. Of course he’d be less bored if he, I dunno, rescued the woman from the burning building?!

Then he starts complaining about how the simulation is the source of boredom. Wait…what? Oh. He’s in the Matrix. The fact his weird distributed intellect means he can tell it is a simulation makes it hard for him to care, and the farm is constructed from the genetic memory of the donors.

I gotta say this is a good twist, though they could have kept up the charade longer. The simulation honestly had me going for a while, though in retrospect I can see the seams where things were just too weird to be real. It also explains why he was so apathetic about the burning woman: She wasn’t real and he knew it, so he would rather talk to Rose. However, they consider his failure to rescue the woman to be a failure of the experiment, since Superman would do so almost by reflex. They think somehow the alien-human hybrid lacks empathy.

Lampshades, aisle three

Rose Wilson is of course part of the simulation, though based on a real person (and Deathstroke’s Daughter but the comic never mentions this). Meanwhile a certain Dr. Umber is leaking information from this covert organization to Lois Lane, though he has not yet told her what the base is working on.  Wait, Dr. Umber, Rose, Red, Dr. White…huh. Apparently they’re going by Resevoir Dogs aliases. I take back what I said about Red being sexist earlier.

Cait-Red goes to meet with the leader of the organization who is looking for faster results. Why are these guys always looking for faster results? He is most definitely not pure evil as he wears a trenchcoat/robes with shoulderpads, blank white sunglasses, and is named Zaniel Templar. The final splash page reveals Zaniel’s plan: Use Superboy as a living weapon to take out the Teen Titans.

This comic…is actually halfway decent. I like the twists and turns in its relatively short run. I totally bought that Superboy had escaped and been adopted by a family much like the Kents. I totally bought that this world’s version of Rose Wilson would be a schoolgirl. Maybe that was wishful thinking.

I thought referring to the one female redhead as Red was pretty sexist until I realized that the whole base was under Clue names. I have a sneaking suspicion that the other half of Superboy’s DNA is hers, but that would be far too easy and change his origin. They keep dropping hints that it’s hers, but if you know the old Superboy’s origin you know they’re probably false. More important, her identity is a mystery. They wouldn’t go out of their way to hide it unless it was someone we’d recognize. I look forward to that reveal.

The artwork is…a little weird. Very stylized and rounded. I don’t DIS like it, but it doesn’t really add anything either.

Overall, I’d say this is a good first issue. It certainly left me intrigued and I want answers to the questions this raised. One question baffles me the most though, and I doubt it will be answered:

How the HFIL was this written by the same guy as Red Hood?

3/5 stars.

To my nonexistent fans.

I delayed posting the previous one for a looong time simply because I couldn't stand to look at it. From now on though, I'm going to make an effort to post a review a day. I can't continue with Red Hood even though we're getting closer to the Night of Owls, so I'm going to be reviewing something else tomorrow. Stay tuned, and I do believe in fairies. I mean readers. I do believe in readers of this blog.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #2-3

Well, now that I'm on a better medium than Facebook, I can add pictures to my comic! And the next load of comics starts with this image that really got my hopes up:

I like where this is going.

Sadly, this is just a flashback to the time when Jason first met the All-Caste and their leader Yod...er...Ducra. She's an ancient Himalayan woman with a tendency to use Yiddish slang in a way that is not offensive at all. We also find out how he came back to the dead after Joker beat him to death with a crowbar: As a zombie, that Talia dunked in a Lazarus Pit and then brought him to the All-Caste for training to tame his RAAAAGE. Seriously, Ducra thinks he has so much rage that he is a danger to the entire world if left unchecked. It seems more like he's a danger to himself and the reader's sanity, as he decides the best thing to do when meeting an ancient master is to patronizingly pat her on the head. What occurs is unfortunately offscreen, but the sound effects are satisfying.

So wait, why did he have to come back as a zombie first? These events were entirely off panel. Why couldn't Talia just raise him from the dead? Hey, comic, you said "TO BE EXPLAINED." So get on it.

Instead, we're treated to the Jason and Roy show as they banter in the language of dudebro while flying to Hong Kong. Jason's suave good looks get him a flight attendant's phone number. This was important to the story. Moving on.

They arrive in Hong Kong and Starfire is already there with a limo. Jason's helpful narration reminds us she is trying to keep a low profile, which she is accomplishing by renting a limo and apparently getting designer clothes which a half-page glamour pose is sure to highlight for us. In the limo more witless banter as Roy tries to get in Starfire's pants again and wonders why the Justice League isn't returning his calls. Seriously, both happen in this conversation. He is immune to irony.

At his penthouse in Hong Kong, Jason is ambushed by...oh what the christ is this:

I'm pretty sure I should be offended.

Is that a guy in drag? A horribly misshapen fat woman? I'm honestly not sure, and not sure which is more offensive. Also, that was not funny, Jason. That was just revolting. He dispatches Suzie and her goons rather easily and gets the stuff he needed. Again, this was really important to the story. No, wait, not at all.

Next scene they're flying over the Himalayas, because clearly Hong Kong is the closest international airport to Tibet. This isn't the 30s you know, Mt. Everest is like Rich Idiot Disneyland. Tibet has an international airport. They leap out of the helicopter (except Starfire, who was already flying behind them) and go into the illusion that hides the temple of the All-Caste. Jason takes a moment to muse about when he was beaten to death by the Joker. This is the second time he has mentioned that the Joker beat him to death with a crowbar in the same comic. In almost the exact same way. It's like he's fueling my fantasies at the moment.

Yoda's ghost tells Jason not to be full of vengeance just before all the corpses attack them. Jason demands respect for the bodies of the zombies they're butchering in what is a truly horrible, jumbled mess of a fight scene. Then he sits down to meditate and...no. Jason, you do not get to be the spiritual and enlightened one. You would not know enlightenment if a helium balloon carrying a neon sign knocked you into a vat of bleach. They meet up with this weird ten year old who is actually supposed to be 4000 years old, yet talks like a dudebro. Dear lord, I just realized what's wrong with the dialogue. Almost everyone speaks fluent dudebro. There is no individual voice. Did the Party Rock Virus infect everyone?

Since the Untitled went ahead of them and already left, they head into a nexus that looks like Escher drawing an album cover, but have to leave behind their most cherished memories. They can get them when they return, in the meantime the kid takes a peek. I'll just do a brief rundown:

Kori: The kid comments that her memories are strange, but this isn't followed up on. The time when she was a slave and one of the people who enslaved her had a moment of compassion. He gave her food and said he wished he could set her free, and apologized on behalf of his people. She killed him for condescending to her. Well then.

Roy: At rock bottom, disowned by the Justice League and his former partner, riding the china cat, he gets in a fight with Killer Croc. Killer Croc, instead of eating him, realizes how screwed up he is and has a genuine heart to heart, saying he's not going to be part of this and to get help. Killer "I live in sewers" Croc. Well then.

Jason: A time he was sick with a cold and Bruce took care of him. This would be a genuinely touching moment if they weren't lounging around in Wayne Manor wearing their costumes with the masks off.

Paparazzi? Is that a kind of pasta?

While in the nexus looking for clues to the Untitled's plans and current location, they fight a giant monster. You think that would deserve more mention, but it really doesn't. I have no idea why it was there. A guardian? Something left by the Untitled? It's never explained. You said things to be explained, comic. Explain!

And the clue they were looking for? A snow globe of Colorado. The Untitled left them a snow globe. I..I don't even know where to begin with what is wrong with this. It could be a trap. It could be a red herring. It had to be deliberate because there's no way it would leave this behind on accident. It was on a pedestal like an idol from Indiana Jones for crap's sake. So now they're off to Colorado without investigating this any further. Jason Todd, master detective, trained by the best.

The story ends with them retrieving their memories, except Jason. Who apparently thinks deciding to leave behind his most precious memory is badass, instead of petulant.

Do I even need to tell you how much this comic sucks? The characterization is all over the place, in every shade of "unlikable" you can imagine. I have literally no one to root for here. The giant monster attack in the middle of issue 3 is like a giant space flea from nowhere. Issue 2 is just offensive in every way. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be offended BY with Suzie Su, but I'm pretty sure I should be.

The story isn't even interesting. It's a pure random events story. It's like it's being written stream of consciousness by a hormonal 13 year old. "And then this happens...and then this...and she's got blood on her boobs!" I hate this so much. Reading this story is torture. Even the art is horrible. Just look at the samples I gave. Everything is ugly. Everything about this comic is ugly. There is nothing redeemable or likable or even interesting within its covers. For the first time I award a comic no points, and may God have mercy on its soul.

0/5 stars.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

I realize I've been avoiding bad comics. I've been mostly going for the comics I expect to be good, instead of the ones that I know will be awful. I'm gonna have to fix that by tackling a comic that I find deplorable. Here goes.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

Jason Todd sucks. The only character ever voted to death, DC has tried to revive him in recent years. He's gone through a bunch of different costumes and names, before finally settling on Red Hood, which was the Joker's old alias (maybe). Considering the Joker killed him, that says almost as much about him as the Fifth Doctor regenerating into a guy who tried to kill him in a previous episode. DC keeps pushing him, but Jason continues to destroy everything he touches. There is nothing likable or fun about the character. Stop it, DC. Just stop.

Ahem. I may be a little biased against this comic.

Anyway, to the comic itself. Right off the bat we are treated to Roy Harper being escorted by two paramilitary thugs and...I just gotta say, I only rarely comment on art. Most comic art is just passable and looks about the same. Even Liefeld these days looks like everyone else, just in a funhouse mirror. This artwork is just revolting. It's ugly, and aggressively so. It's quite detailed, but it's like Rocafort chose to emphasize everything wrong and slather everything with brown. It's like Liefeld meets Call of Duty. Also, I don't normally comment on titles, but the title here is "I fought the law and kicked its butt!" Wow, we are certainly going for maturity here.

Ugh. Okay. I'm going to be objective. Harper is in jail because he helped a revolution in DC's go-to middle eastern hellhole Qurac. Now they're in their Robespierre stage, and he's on the chopping block. An obese preacher is there to give him his last confession and register a complaint with some international organization. They let him talk to Roy, and he opens the Bible to show Roy's folded-up bow. The heck? That must be the enormous-print Bible for the legally blind. The preacher splits open to reveal it was a disguise for Jason Todd aka Red Hood, and the extra space in the costume was filled up with weapons, including Harper's quiver. He should have repeated "Two Weeks" a bit first.

Despite being entirely surrounded by men with guns already trained on them, Red Hood and Arsenal start shooting their way out with ease. Wow, so they've ripped off Robin Hood, Total Recall, and now Darkman. In Darkman that opening scene worked because it was deliberately over the top and ridiculous. Three guys with guns surrounded by about thirty winning? That's silly, but it worked since we were not supposed to be rooting for either side. It established Durant and his men as formidable, setting a bar for the hero to overcome. But since these are the main characters, setting the bar this high means that almost no future challenge can be taken seriously.

Harper shouts "Tanks!" and Todd replies "Don't mention it!" *rimshot* I will admit that was a little funny. They're bailed out by Starfire, who blasts the tanks and then casually talks about going back to have sex with Jason Todd. Who acts totally full of himself about it. God I hate this guy.

Cut to St. Martinique later where Starfire is stepping out of the water in a bikini. We're actually treated to her internal thoughts (for what it's worth). She talks about how most aliens aren't welcome on Earth, which is why she hangs out with those two. She also apparently has trouble telling them apart. THAT'S RACIST! Also, there's a kid taking pictures of her and uploading her to the internet. That was necessary.

So Jason and Roy discuss Tamaranian psychology in the most douchebro way possible. Tamaranians are very uninhibited, have trouble telling people apart, and barely care about humans beyond the immediate. She propositions Roy as soon as Jason is out of sight, and brushes off questions about whether she's "Jason's girl" by saying she is free to do whatever she wants and personal ownership is absurd and that love has nothing to do with pleasure. While I can commend this as a way of making alien psychology truly alien, but the result is to make her into a living sex doll. Furthermore...doesn't their culture have slavery? How can that make sense in a culture with no concept of personal ownership?

While this is going on Jason talks to a girl called Essence about organ thief murders. Since the organs are stolen from the past, Jason realizes the Untitled is involved. He asks why the All Caste haven't stopped them, but Essence shows they are all dead. Jason is shocked, and since Essence swore never to return, it's up to Jason to avenge the All Caste and stop the Untitled and WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

Oh, apparently the kid was necessary as someone on the internet finds her pictures, realizes she's a Tamaranian, and wants to track her down. Way to keep a low profile, guys.

Cut to twelve hours later, at the Well of the All Caste. Jason Todd is apologizing to someone named Ducra. Then he's attacked by a bunch of guys and he says "Finally, something to shoot!" and the comic ends saying "TO BE EXPLAINED"

Well. I sincerely hope so. Because I have NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON!

Comics, PARTICULARLY #1 comics, should be accessible to a new reader. Who is Essence? How does Jason know her? Who or what is the Untitled? How does Jason know them? Who were the All Caste? And they're dead now, so why was this important? And how do you steal organs from years before they drop dead from lack of organs? Most importantly, give me one good reason to care about any of this. I know who only one person in this entire conversation is, and I actively dislike him. Why should I give a flying crap about any of this? 

Hell, I only know Jason Todd and Roy Harper because I'm a huge nerd. The closest to anyone familiar to the average non comics reader is Starfire, and her totally different personality here is likely to turn off anyone familiar with the Teen Titans TV series.

The banter is mostly witless. The art is, as I said, appalling. It is actively unpleasant to the eyes. Everyone has this weird little dot on their nose like they weren't paying attention while drinking a latte. The plot is nonexistent, going from escape to beach party to Red Hood doing something out of context. Also, why bother with a reboot when you're going to bog down even a completely unnecessary title like this with continuity? You guys had a clean slate! YOU WASTED IT.

The eight deadly words of writing are "I don't care what happens to these people." Readers may love your characters, hate your characters, hate to love or love to hate, but the worst thing they can feel is...nothing. After this issue, I can say without a doubt, I don't care what happens to these people.

1/5, only because I don't give 0. Maybe I should consider it. If the rest of this manages to somehow be worse, I will consider it.

At least I don't have too much of this to read because I'm sure this drek will get cancelled after...IT'S STILL ONGOING?! When better comics have been cancelled? Ugggghhhhh...why did I decide to do this?

All Star Western #4-6 (including the Barbary Ghost)

I could have combined this with the previous comics, but they seem disconnected enough for me to review them separately  Hex takes down two of the Trapper clan, and is torturing a third by shooting his fingers off. The survivor refuses to tell him where to find the others. Wow, how many of these guys are there? Anyway, he gets interrupted by a man named Moody who wants Hex's help in finding his missing son. Moody is a rich developer in charge of building Gotham's sewers, so when Hex rebuffs his offer, he offers $50,000 and Hex changes his tune immediately. I checked, and that's about $1.26 MILLION in today's money. For that sort of money, I'd stay in Hell itself for an extra week. Might need to go up to $2 million to get me to stay in Gotham.

Hex takes the logical step and checks an orphanage first, where he runs into his old pal Amadeus Arkham. Since the nun who runs the orphanage won't let Hex in otherwise, he's once more forced to work with Arkham. Arkham was here to tend to a boy named Sean O'Grady who had been missing for three years and recently reappeared. The boy is horribly malnourished  rat-bitten, sick, dying, and insane. The boy father informs the duo that a lot of kids have been disappearing from the slums, kidnapped by a hooded figure. From the nature of the boy's illness and aversion to light, Hex deduces he's been held underground. Going through the newly built sewer system and following clues like human skulls, they find a labor camp. The kidnapped children are being forced to build the sewers. Hex moves around taking out the guards with stealth while Arkham rescues all the kids. Unfortunately, Arkham is caught by the slavers, and Hex shortly thereafter.

The huge man makes a mistake of taking both Hex's guns and his hat, which Hex says he will be back for as he's tossed down a raging underground river. Arkham proves his continuing uselessness by being unable to swim but Hex rescues them both. They spend some tense time in the dark with a dwindling supply of matches and no obvious escape from the ledge they find themselves on, until a horrible screech echoes out through the cavern. They are swarmed by a small horde of morlocks, who Arkham recognizes as the lost Miagani tribe. The Miagani were bat-worshiping natives who used to live here but vanished shortly after white settlers arrived. Turns out they literally went underground. Nice use of DC lore here.

The Miagani reveal a way out during the fight, which Hex and Arkham follow until they are stopped by a giant prehistoric bat. The Miagani worship it as a god, but Hex manages to slay it. This garners the respect of the Miagani who bow down before him and show him a way out. The adventurers emerge-where else?-at Wayne Manor. They were in what would one day become the Batcave.

Wow. Okay. So...are the Miagani still down there these days? Did the last of them die out (they were looking kinda pale and inbred)? If they're all gone, when did the last Miagani die? If they aren't, does Bruce have a deal with them? All of this is kinda important information that I would like to see addressed.

Anyway, Arkham shows he's not completely useless by getting help from the Waynes. They're less perturbed by the presence of CHUDs and giant bats under their mansion than they are the slave ring. They eat and get cleaned up, then the scene shifts to a siege on the slave ring. Damn, Arkham can get things done here. Gotta love how non-useless the Gotham police were back in the 1870s. Another pretty freaking awesome gunfight ensues, with Jonah Hex chasing the slavers' leader down a side tunnel. He tortures him with a pickaxe, asking where the Moody boy is, but the now-crippled giant whimpers that they don't have the Moody boy. It'd make no sense if they did, since the whole thing was Mr. Moody's idea. Arkham forces Hex to stop, but Hex has all the info he needs. 

With the nun's help, Hex tracks down Mr. O'Grady and demands he see the Moody boy. Realizing he's been caught, Mr. O'Grady agrees. The boy is safe. Better than safe, the O'Gradys have been treating him like one of their own. Sean has just died of his injuries and illness, so the nun and Arkham both promise Mr. O'Grady they will stand with him at trial. Hex decides there is more to be done here. He tells the young Moody boy everything. About the kidnappings, the child slavery, everything. The boy understands, he already knew his father was a cruel man and he does not want to grow up like him. He's returned to his mother, and the police come to arrest Thurston Moody. The backgrounds of his mansion practically beat you over the head with owl motifs so you know who this guy was probably connected to. Unfortunately Moody's already left town, heading down to New Orleans, which is where Hex says he's going next to collect the money owed. He sends an advance telegram to two allies he has down there: Cinnamon and Nighthawk.

Again, All Star Western delivers. This story was lots of fun, with excellent action scenes, an intriguing plot, and nice hints of the future and deeper conspiracies. It doesn't shy away from some really horrible stuff either. The interlude with the Miagani is a little out of place, but is a good "lost world" short and a nice tie-in to some rather obscure DC lore. Unfortunately, Arkham continues to be a mostly useless load. I hope he gets left behind in Gotham.

Almost considered 5, but since Arkham is really starting to grate on me I'm only giving 4/5. So far I'd say ASW is a must-read. Now for the B-story.

The Barbary Ghost #1-3

The story opens with a woman in very revealing robes attacking Chinese gangsters. She is pale as a ghost and summons fire in her hands to burn and explode them. She demands to know where she can find a man named Bo Long, but the guy she chooses to interrogate is killed and she is forced to detonate the others who killed him. Disappointed, she rides off into the hills outside San Francisco. The woman, named Yanmei, meets with her grandfather and they talk about her quest for vengeance against Bo Long.

The grandfather flashes back to how this all began, with him bringing his entire clan over from Canton to America, hoping to build a better life. However, things go bad immediately with Bo Long's gang demanding protection. Yanmei's father, Wei Tsen decides to stand up to him and pay only half of what he demanded. Bo Long, however, is not a reasonable man. He throws Wei's corpse through the window of his family shop. One of Yanmei's brothers charges out for vengeance, and kills one of the gangsters with a thrown axe before he is shot in the head. The gangsters flee, but it's far from over.

In two weeks eight of Bo Long's gang members are killed, but so are all five of Yanmei's brothers. Numbers are not on their side, so her grandfather and mother decide to flee. Her mother stays one extra day to pay off some debts and get prepared before they leave, but she's caught in the store. The store is burned with her inside.

Yanmei swears vengeance herself, and with her grandfather's help fakes her death in an explosion (taking out several of Bo Long's men in the process). Her act as a ghost has continued ever since. Now she prepares for an attack on Bo Long's headquarters, which she opens by detonating his right-hand man with an explosive arrow. As she fights through the horde of gangsters, Bo Long decides this is too much and escapes. Yanmei finds Bo Long's harem of prostitutes and frees them, and in the process finds out her mother is still alive. She also finds out where the gangster is heading.

Dressed in an expensive dress, she meets Bo Long on a train. He lets the pretty Chinese woman sit with him, and tells her that he had to pay a lot of money for this seat. More than a white man would have, but in America even racism can be bought off for enough money. She informs him that she is the Barbary Ghost he's been scared of, and shoots him under the table. The car erupts in panic and she threatens to shoot him in the head. She asks where her mother is, and he doesn't tell her but makes a reference to a carnival which she says is "good enough." She murders him, and jumps off the train onto her horse running alongside with her grandfather. 

Very good story. The Barbary Ghost is a new character, yet feels old somehow. Like she's a character who should have existed from a previous series of Westerns. Of course, the times were too racist in the heyday of Westerns to actually have a Chinese protagonist (David Carradine notwithstanding), but she seems like a character who could have existed had that not been the case. As an origin story it's good, though like most origin stories it left me wanting more both in a good and bad way. Too much story was, by necessity, taken up with the background.

Overall though I really hope to see more of Yanmei, the Barbary Ghost. 3/5 stars.

One last note: I'm going to stop here with All-Star Western because the next arc kinda merges with its Owls tie-in. I'll review the next arc first when I'm ready for Night of the Owls.

All Star Western #1-3 (including El Diablo)

The "arcs" here are somewhat shorter than in other series. If my goal is to get up to the Owls, then I'll just plow through these. Also, there are several backup features which I will review separately.

Following the introductory issue, Jonah Hex and Amadeus Arkham are settling down into a siege position. The conspiracy knows them, knows where to find them, and is no doubt coming after them. Arkham reads up on them and his research leads him to a legendary "Religion of Crime" and its "Crime Bible." Hex doesn't really care because there's at least a dozen heavily armed men surrounding the mansion.

What follows takes about three pages, and I can't even remotely describe it. It's just a total badass western gunfight. Absolutely everything you should expect from something like this. I think Jonah Hex got bonus points for shooting the lanterns the horseback riders carried. After the stage is over and he enters his initials in the high score, he interrogates the one survivor. Arkham was right, they're followers of the Dark Faith, and the prostitutes have been sacrifices to consecrate Gotham as their unholy city.

Cut to the inner circle of the Religion of Crime (seriously, can we get a better name here?). They have the chief of police tied up and are torturing him while nonchalantly discussing how they sent their men to kill Hex and Arkham. About half of them are assuming he's dead, the other half are a bit more genre savvy. Hex catches up to them in their actual torture chamber where they're inscribing Latin into the police chief, and he gets in a tussle with a huge thug. He looks like he's about to lose, when Arkham grabs a gun and shoots the thug in the head.

Hex recovers while Arkham is stunned,and starts to beat up the doctor. During which, he name drops the prostitute. Belle. Not very creative, but eh, at least she had a name. Wait, how did he learn it? Anyway, he beats up the doctor before receiving a prophecy that "in the future one will come with a smile and fists like unto stone , who strips flesh from bone, and who leadeth them of his kind that also serve Cain, and Gotham will bow before him." Joker? Darkseid? Who knows.

And...wow! that was quick. The very next panel is a newspaper showing that the entire criminal cartel has been busted up by the freed police chief. Granted, he knew who they all were, but still, that was fast. Oh, well, apparently though they got the leadership, that's nowhere near the end of it. They talk about building ARkham Asylum and Blackgate, and offer Hex a chance to join them and provide direction. He says no, and goes after the three guys he originally came here for before getting distracted.

HEx notices a suspicious wagon, and just barely manages to tackle Arkham to the floor before it starts firing a gatling gun. The other men at the table with them are killed. Hex takes out the men on the Gatling gun and pretty much decides to get out of town after he gets the Trapp brothers. He blows off Arkham, and goes after his original bounty. He finds them playing cards over kidnapped women. One of the women runs, and the Trapp brother shoots her. Hex is clearly angered by this, and is ready to at least dispense a little justice in Gotham.

This comic was doing very well until the very end there, but the same problems of issue one cropped up. The random kidnapping and murder of women at the end seems really out of place. Due to the truly awesome gunfight in the middle I would have given it more, but I have to drop it down to 3/5. If it doesn't improve some of its unfortunate implications, I may have to drop it even further. 

El Diablo 1-2

This is the supporting story in issues 2 and 3 of All Star Western., and I only have one word: Lazy. Well, I could extend it with an adjective like "fucking" or I could repeat it a few times, but it doesn't even deserve that. It's just lazy. If I could put less emphasis on it, I would.

Here's the plot. Lazarus Long is El Diablo. When he goes unconscious, Zoro appears with the Balrog's whip. There have certainly been worse ideas for superheroes. Lazarus rides into town and finds it full of zombies. He's taken in by survivors, who have an Indian tied up who they're blaming for the zombies. The Indian tells them that only a demon can defeat the zombies, and since Lazarus can only turn into the demon when he's asleep, they knock him out. He then kills the zombies, and fights the spirit that summoned them. They reach a stalemate, and El Diablo retreats to Lazarus's body.

That's it. There really is nothing more to this. I can't tell you much about the characters except a few zombie apocalypse archetypes like "Asshole" and "useless guy." Zombies themselves are so overplayed at this point. They're just a generic placeholder enemy. A lot better critics than I have explained why zombies are so popular, but at this point, I'm just about over zombies. Give me a new take on them. This is not it. 

The art is so lazy, I swear they traced a couple covers, particularly in the last panel of issue 1. It looks like it was drawn by a particularly talented middle-schooler at best. The inking is barely Silver Age quality. It's just...lazy. Filler. It's nothing worth noting. One of the worst sins of any medium to me is being *boring*. I'll take something stupid but fun over this drek. This gets my first 1/5. Don't even bother reading this part, stick to Jonah Hex.